hairline fracture
the ribs are a fragile cage
for her heart’s urgings
your boney skullcap
hot brain
firing nerves
eyes, brow, hands
tongue, lashings of teeth-
scarred knuckle, muscle
control, those abs
pects, the six-pack
punches
through bruised organs
she hears their music
in her ears and heart’s distal
pulse, your ancient cadence
fists
face
feinting
bloodlines traced
back to the cave
beneath fractured ridges
into the boneeap
5 comments:
GASP!! Seriously. GASP!! I wish I had words to describe how much I love this. You're not changing it too much, are you? I'm in love with this version!
I must be out of my mind, because I didn't realize you were posting. I should have looked! I checked out your September work today, too, and it is excellent!
Okay, here are some things I particularly love about this poem. First, the title. I love that it's a "hairline fracture." That gives me the impression of something broken, some hurt, but not completely. Mendable. I love that sweet feeling of hope.
The music of the third and fourths stanzas is gorgeous! Just gorgeous! It literally sings to me, and I hear a cadence, a rhythm, as well as a tone. It's not easy to create all of that in one poem, and you have done a beautiful job of it.
It's hard to pick my "favorite" thing about this poem, because I am so in love with it. But I am gasping over that last line. "Into the bone" is perfect. Freaking perfect. If you change that, I will cry...ha! ha! Okay, maybe I won't cry, because if you do change it, I'm sure it will be equally as beautiful. But I love that ending. I have a hard time with last lines, so I'm always impressed when I read a poem that has that powerful punch at the end. A kick in the soul.
Excellent. Excellent. So very. Excellent. Why on earth don't you think you're good??? Sister, you could get this published TODAY! Please keep putting them up there, and I'll keep getting thrilled with the wonder of your words!
this poem has me crying
You can see how rarely I check in here. I take it that the crying is kind of a good thing?
the poem evokes a lot of memories - good bad - who knows - the writing is beauty filled
Well, thanks again. A strange beauty in pain sometimes, or it's outcome - or something. I enjoy your blog. I'm also at alterwords.wordpress.com. See you.
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